the unexpected...

What we thought was a quick trip to Minnesota to introduce Calvin to family and have him baptized quickly turned into an extended trip and a very sick baby.

The trip by numbers..

2 emergency rooms

3 hospitals/6 hospital rooms

2 ambulance rides

4 doctors

countless nurses and respiratory therapists

1 janitor

3 nights at a family's house

2 nights in a hotel

13 hours in a car

so many fast food meals

an infinite amount of tear drops

11 days in a hospital in Minnesota

8 hours in the emergency room in Colorado

6 oxygen tanks (and counting)

an extra week of maternity leave

That is a lot for a little guy...and for his parents.

It all started Sunday, February 10th in the morning. He woke up and had a little cough and was a little fussy. We got him ready for his baptism and headed out planning on limiting his contact with others for the day. He made it through the baptism beautifully, we took some pictures, and headed back to Martha and Mike's house for brunch. Meanwhile, Minnesota decided to have freezing rain and blizzard like conditions, so the drive was a little intense. As I was feeding him upon our return, he was wheezing a bit, felt a little warm, was continuing to cough, and looked like he was working really hard to breath. I googled his symptoms and the information I found said to head to the hospital because of his age. I called our insurance provider and they mimicked the information I found on the internet. So, we got back in the car and took what seemed like the longest car ride ever due to the weather and being filled with worry as we made our way to the closest emergency room.

In the emergency room, they monitored his heart rate and oxygen levels. He had a low grade fever (100) and otherwise seemed pretty happy. They did chest x-rays, drew blood to check for RSV (respiratory syncytial virus), and tried a few respiratory therapys to help with his oxygen levels. Nothing was working to change his oxygen levels and they didn't have a pediatrics staff there, so they decided to send us to their sister hospital in an ambulance and told us we would definitely be spending the night. Before we left, we had family bring us some essentials from Martha and Mike's, so that we would have what we needed.

Side note: We are new parents. We have only been doing this (at that time) for 2 1/2 months. When they told us they were sending us to another hospital with a pediatrics staff, we didn't question that decision. We trusted that they were giving us all of the information we needed to make an informed decision. We quickly learned that they didn't have our best interests in mind, instead they had their own agenda.

We loaded into the bright red and white cabin and were TERRIFIED. Andy and I had never even seen the inside of an ambulance, let alone ridden in one. This was the second longest ride of the day.

Once we got to the second hospital, we were admitted right away and the pediatrics team started assessing him and trying more respiratory therapies. We went about our business and started to get comfortable since we had been told we would be staying over night. We got something to eat and put on some comfy clothes. Meanwhile, it didn't seem like the doctors and nurses had any clue what they were doing to help Calvin. He was getting worse each minute and at times it felt like they were looking at us to fix him. Calvin is not a fussy baby and he was crying A LOT. They didn't seem concerned. He was also setting off his monitoring machine every few seconds. It wasn't a soft beep either, it was the loudest beep you have ever heard and it wouldn't stop until one of them came in to turn it off, which they were in no rush to do. They still didn't seem concerned.

I was livid at this point and we were both filled with worry about what was going to happen next and how he was going to get better. He also hadn't tested positive for RSV yet, so we were unsure what was wrong with him. The doctor came in and told us that they were going to send us in another ambulance in order to get us to the Children's Hospital in Minneapolis. I was thankful that we were on our way to a good place, scared to ride in another ambulance, and pissed that they didn't send us to that hospital in the first place. Again, like I said above, we had only been parents for 2 1/2 months, the doctors were supposed to be the experts and have our child's best interests in mind. Looking back, I think the first hospital should have given us the option to go to their sister hospital or Children's and told us all of the pros and cons. Now we know to come to Children's in the first place and/or ask better questions.

So, back in the ambulance we went. We even had the same EMTs. This time Andy rode in the front, I hung out in back with Calvin, and they turned the sirens on. It was EXTREMELY hard on Andy to be in the front because he didn't know what was going on in the back with the little guy. We were constantly texting to give updates...he on the road conditions and proximity to our destination and me on Calvin's stats.

The instant we arrived at the emergency room at the Children's Hospital, I felt more at ease and it was apparent that they knew exactly what they were doing. It definitely was not their first rodeo with RSV in an infant.

After monitoring Calvin for a few hours, they decided that it was best for him to be admitted to the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit). Any time the letters ICU are involved in a hospital stay it is pretty scary and you know that it is serious. The doctors and nurses assured us that it wasn't completely necessary for him to be in the ICU with his condition, but they wanted him to have the benefit of the closer monitoring (every 2 hours instead of every 4) at least until he was a little more stable with his breathing.

It was midnight by the time we got to the room in PICU, which was going on about 12 hours since we started the hospital journey. I was at my breaking point and Andy was staying strong for the family. They offered us a room in the hospital Ronald McDonald House so that we could both get some sleep and have a shower (more on this in another post).

All of the days in the hospital blend together and are hard to distinguish in my memory. The only way I can think of to describe the experience is through the good parts and the hard parts.

Good parts:

~ our doctor in Minnesota ~ He was in and out of the room in a flash, but he always answered our questions and we trusted him. He even gave me his cell phone number for the time in between being discharged in Minnesota and when we met with our doctor in Denver.

~ stellar nurses ~ Not all of the nurses were great, but there were a few that definitely stood out and went above and beyond, especially once I was on my own. They answered my questions, they made sure I had what I needed, they got to know me and took the time to know Calvin. I will forever remember these special people!

~ family ~ Andy and I have gone over and over in our minds if this would have been easier if we would have been in Denver. Most of the time, the answer is yes, it would have been easier. But, we weren't given the choice of where this happened. Our family made sure I had meals, company, and helped care for Calvin throughout his hospital stay and beyond.

~ pumping ~ I made it through this whole ordeal continuing to pump and feed Calvin breastmilk. Now that I look back, this is a small miracle and I am not sure how it was humanly possible to keep that going. I can only guess that it gave me a purpose each day and helped me feel like I was providing for him when he needed it most.

~ happy baby ~ Calvin definitely took this whole experience in stride. He was happy day in and day out and had a smile for everyone that came into contact with him.

Hard parts:

~ PICU (twice) ~ It was incredibly hard to have Calvin in the PICU. Even though at times we knew it was the right place for him. He was checked on every two hours here and each nurse had only a couple patients in order to give each one more attention. It is still not a place you want your child to be, especially once he was moved out of it and then back into it.

~ being apart from Andy ~ After three days in the hospital, it became apparent that we could be there for awhile. We made one of the hardest decisions (but a good one in the long run), that Andy should head back to Denver to work while I stayed back to continue taking care of Calvin. There were lots of tears and moments when I questioned if I could handle it by myself. We were apart for 11 days total. This is a record for us that I never want to even attempt to break.

~ stuff ~ I thought that I was a person that didn't need stuff. I thought I was someone who could live with the bare necessities. I found out through this experience that stuff is actually really important to me. Not just any stuff, but my stuff. I lived in the hospital for 11 days with only a few outfits, travel size toiletries, and a lot of fast food meals. I found myself day dreaming about things like our bed, food in our kitchen, my clothes, Calvin's toys, my car. Now, I know that I CAN live without the "stuff", but that it's really nice to have the "stuff".

~ slow progress of RSV ~ The course of this virus continues to linger. It has almost been one month since the beginning of this illness. I now know that RSV or bronchilitis is nothing to mess with. We just need to take one day at a time and let it run its course.

~ tubes ~ It is no easy thing to see your baby hooked up to machines with tubes attached to his body. I will be so thankful when the last of the tubes leave our house and we are able to move our little boy around freely with no attachments.

~ return to Denver ~ I thought we were home free when we stepped foot in the car on our way to Lincoln, NE to meet up with Andy. Our plan was derailed as we checked the weather for the following day and found information on Storm Rocky. You know when a storm gets a name, its gonna be bad. We made the painstakingly hard decision to stay in Lincoln for one more night to keep us all safe.

I came out of this situation with a lot of thoughts. The one thing I know for sure is that I learned what the strength of being a mother is all about. I am not saying that I stayed strong through this entire process because there were times I lost it, but I found out what it is like to do whatever is needed to help your child be well. That is what I wanted more than the stuff I missed. His wellness was always more important to me than my frustration or exhaustion. I know that there will be tough times to come in the future. I also know this will not be Calvin's only illness. Even knowing that, I believe I know where to find the strength within me to get through those times. The universe has thrown a lot at us in a short amount of time, but both of us are staying strong and fighting our way through the muck and yuckiness.