a note to our little one...

Dear sweet little boy, 

Your due date has come and gone and we are anxiously awaiting your arrival.  I know that we have been through some heavy stuff in the last year, especially recently.  I know that you are concerned and want us to have time to heal, but I need you to know that we are ready.  

We are ready to see your sweet face, hold you in our arms, and smell your amazing baby smell.  We are ready to love you with everything that we have and take care of you.  We are ready to introduce you to our friends and family and they are almost as excited as we are to welcome you into the world.  

You've given us some signs that you are making your way to the outside world and we promise to stay patient.  Come when you are ready, but just know that you don't have to worry about us.  We are ready and our hearts are open for your arrival.  

Love, Mama L & Papa A

belly photos...

We decided to get some pregnancy photos taken in order to preserve our experience.  Here is a sneak peak from our photographer...  

Check them out!

http://tarapolly.com/2012/11/andy-lindsey-expecting/

it's the final countdown...

12 days until our due date...it is definitely down to the final countdown.  At this point, we get so many questions from people like, "Are you ready?", or "Are you nervous?"  The questions seem so simple to ask, but are a little more complicated to answer, at least from where I sit.  

Once we hit the 37 week mark, I started to have some mixed feelings that I have been struggling with.

Excitement...

is definitely one of the number one feelings.  Excitement to meet our little boy.  Excitement to not be pregnant any more and get a semi-normal body back.  Excitement to finally be parents.  Excitement to use all of the new baby things we have ready to go in the nursery.  There is so much to look forward to!  

Nervousness...

is a feeling that has sometimes overridden my excitement in these last weeks.  Nervousness about labor and birth.  Nervousness of the recovery afterwards.  Nervousness about being a parent.  Nervousness about knowing what to do.  This feeling has caused a lot of anxiety as of late.    

Scared/Terrified...

has been a feeling that has crept its way in as well.  Scared of the unknown (so many unknowns).  Terrified Scared of the physical pain to come.  Scared to finally get what we have always wanted.  Scared for the same things that I feel excitement for.  This feeling makes me uncomfortable, but is impossible for me to shake.    

Mostly, it feels like we are now in a waiting pattern.  Don't get me wrong, we REALLY appreciated our break from school for a week.  But, I found myself half way through actually wanting to go back to work.  That has NEVER happened before.

I was consumed with my own thoughts (as mentioned above) that never seemed to end.  Even though I was relaxing or working on some to-do list items, I couldn't truly enjoy myself.  At one point, Andy and I looked at each other and didn't have anything to say to each other.  It felt like we were both just ready and waiting for our little guy to arrive and until he does, we are stuck just waiting and staring at each other.  Maybe this is a sign that we are truly ready...I am not sure.    

The thing I have come to realize is that this pregnancy hasn't felt like a normal pregnancy of nine months. Part of me feels like this pregnancy has lasted from the first time we got pregnant and had a miscarriage (October 2011) until now.  It has sometimes felt like it has lasted an eternity.  Please don't misunderstand me, I have loved being pregnant for the most part, but I am truly ready for it to be over now.  I am ready to move on from this phase to the next despite all of my feelings of trepidation currently.

I know that all of these feelings will slip quickly into the past when our little guy is in my arms (I hope).  I also have a feeling that, somehow, we will know what to do and the things we don't, we will figure out together in our own time.  We have prepared ourselves as best we can and now it is out of our hands.  We need to trust that everything is going to be OK and happen as it will.  There is a sweet and precious little thing waiting for us at the end of this long journey and at the end of the day, the only thing we feel is thrilled to meet him and let him fill our hearts.          

book updates...

We are in the final countdown over here and have enjoyed a week off of school to check some of those pesky last minute to-dos off of our never ending list.  But, I have also taken some time to relax and enjoy some reading.  I am trying to include a healthy mix of books, some teaching me how to raise this human inside of me and also  some that are literature from my book club and reads just for fun.  

Our book club decided to dive into the classics this round and instead of all of us reading the same book, we each get to choose one to read and then we will discuss them when we next get together.  I am a HUGE fan of this plan and decided to read more of a current classic...

I just finished and am a big fan!  From the author's personal story to the lovable main character, this book is a must read.  It is not as daunting or confusing as some other classics can be and really has a simple message for everyone to find their life's dream and follow it.  There are other hidden messages and themes, but I will leave those to your interpretation once you pick it up and read it for yourself!

This is another one I read for fun recently and I picked it up because of all the buzz around it.  

  

Also, if you have not read this book, you need to pick it up immediately!  I don't normally read nonfiction, but this book had me from Page #1 and I was completely fascinated with the story.   

In the genre of raising a human, these are my go-tos right now.  I definitely have to read them in shifts as some of the information has proven to be way too overwhelming if I let it.  

Here's hoping that my love and time for reading doesn't cease once our little one is born.  Reading will forever be a past time that I strive to have time for and pass on to our little man.  Only two more weeks!