sharing my writing...

Since becoming a teacher, I have really opened myself up to the idea of sharing my writing (obviously, since I am now writing a blog) and being comfortable with other people reading what I have to say.  My students have been a great audience to feel out what their reactions will be to things that I write.  I mean, sometimes they clap after I read something that I have written...that definitely makes a girl feel good!


  One assignment that we did in a class I taught was to write a speech that was a personal narrative.  We also tried to tie it into giving a message like writing something that you believed in.  At the time, my dad's heart surgery was fresh in my mind as an experience that helped me to reaffirm my belief in hope.  

Recently, a teacher I worked with for the last two years decided to do that same assignment with her class and have me in as a guest speaker to share my words.  I am honored to do it, but it has also helped me relive a time that was extremely tough on my positivity and has allowed me to reflect on how I made it through the roller coaster of emotions I felt two summers ago.  

So, in sharing this piece of writing, I am reminded that constantly reflecting on your feelings and reminding yourself of those times that test how strong you really are is a little thing that can help you in future hard times and help you realize how strong you actually are.  

"Thump! Thump! Thump! My heart pounded as I waited anxiously for the phone call. I couldn't sit still or even think about anything else...

I have always been an optimist, a person who is always positive and hopes for the best. This was no different when I found out my dad was scheduled for heart surgery. Even though I was feeling scared and helpless, I still believed there would be a positive outcome and continued to hope for the best.

I believe in hope and going through the roller coaster of emotions when my dad had surgery made this belief grow stronger...

My parents got divorced when I was six years old. It was really hard on me because I thought it was all my fault. Even though I didn't live with my dad, we always had a strong and close relationship. I went to stay with him every other weekend and we always had a good time. He was always encouraging me to do my best and his famous line was, “You can be anything you want to be as long as you give 100% all the time.”

That line stuck with me as I grew older and helped me get through many hard times. When I was in high school and getting in trouble, it reminded me to get back on track. When I was in college and couldn't decide on a major, it helped me go in the right direction. My dad and I sometimes lived far from each other, but we talked frequently and he always continued to encourage me to follow my dreams.

...it was the last day of school and I was anxiously awaiting a phone call from my step mom, Kelley, to hear the news of the heart surgery. I had knots in my stomach and was having a hard time focusing on anything. I was sitting in my 4^th period class practically ignoring my students and co-teacher, Ms. Thompson when my phone started singing. AT LAST!! Kelley was calling with news on how everything went. I walked down the hall and could hear my heart beating through every word she spoke.

The news was good on that day, but what I was about to find out was that his status would quickly go downhill and the recovery would take what seemed like years to be complete.

After the initial day of the surgery, I spoke with Kelley every day...sometimes multiple times a day depending on what was going on. It was the beginning of my first summer vacation as a teacher and I should have been ecstatic and overjoyed, but my emotions were more like melancholy and lost. Every day that Kelley and I talked, it seemed like there was more bad news. Kidney failure, pneumonia, bladder infection, fluid in his lungs, fever, and on and on the list went. He was in the Intensive Care unit at the hospital for 28 days and I was beyond worried.

One of the reasons this was so hard on me is that I talk to my dad every day. When he was in ICU, I was unable to talk to him. Not being able to hear his voice for reassurance was killing me, so I decided I needed to go see him myself and at least I would be able to talk to him face to face. I flew out to California on a Thursday afternoon and went straight to the hospital. Kelley had to prepare me for what he would look like and tried to give me strength. I went in and I couldn't believe my eyes. He was hooked up to so many machines, could hardly talk, and had already lost tons of weight. He recognized me right away and game me a smile. I didn't cry the whole time I was in the hospital room, but when I left I broke down. I couldn't believe the man I saw as my rock, my pillar, the person I always relied on and that was always so strong in my eyes being so helpless and in a lot of pain. Kelley brought me to the hospital every day and we even tried to stay overnight one night. Overall, I felt a lot better after seeing him and being able to hear his voice. Even though he still had a long road to recovery ahead of him, I felt better after that weekend in California.

This experience challenged my belief in hope and sometimes it was difficult to keep my thoughts positive. Without this strong belief, I would not have made it through this rough patch. Without siblings in my life to lean on through things like this, it made it that much harder to stay positive. My husband, other family members, and friends were definitely my rock.

My belief in hope is the strongest it has ever been because of going through the different emotions of my dad's heart surgery. I encourage everyone to dig deep inside of yourself during a rough time and find the tiniest bit of hope and I guarantee it will help you through good times and bad!"