November 8th snuck up on us this year. It's hard to believe that it has been two years since our first "son" and furry best friend was taken from us. I wrote about the tragedy here and here. It proves to be a hurdle we must leap over each November before we can get to the joy and happiness of our son's birthday. It's like a cloud that rains on our lives around this date and we are never quite sure how it will make us feel until it's over our heads.
This year, we almost forgot about it and it almost slipped by without any recognition...almost.
We are starting to do weekly date nights and on our first official night away, we were enjoying each other's company with a few cocktails and yummy appetizers. Andy brought up Chewy and so smoothly mentioned that we should spread his ashes. We have been meaning to do this since the day we brought them into our home two days after our friend left from this world. As you can imagine, life got busy and we never got around to it. Plus, I think both of us secretly liked having him in the house. Each time this had been brought up in the past, one of us found an excuse for it not to work out and life continued.
Somehow this time seemed different. This felt like the right time to say our final official goodbye.
It was only this morning that I woke up and realized that it was the two year anniversary of the exact day that we lost our buddy. Why wouldn't we do it on this day? It made complete sense. So, we carried out our plan by heading down to the Cherry Creek by our house. We used to bring Chewy there to play fetch and frolic in the water. On the walk over, we reminisced our fondest memories and all enjoyed the sun shining down on us. We made our way down the path and towards the water. As we looked out, there were two ducks splashing around and also enjoying the sunshine. It was perfect.
We got right to it starting with Andy reading a eulogy he wrote two years ago. It was beautiful, there were tears, but there was also Calvin in the background quacking at the ducks and yelling out at each car that passed on the nearby road. We couldn't help but laugh at our silly little boy in what otherwise would have been a very serious moment. We took turns throwing the ashes in the creek and spread some on the sand that Chewy loved to roll in after he was soaking wet. We each took a private moment to say our final goodbyes and let out all the sadness and pain we had been feeling. Calvin quickly reminded us that we had other obligations as he started to make his way into the creek fully clothed. So, we headed home and both felt a lightness where there had been heaviness.
We got right to it starting with Andy reading a eulogy he wrote two years ago. It was beautiful, there were tears, but there was also Calvin in the background quacking at the ducks and yelling out at each car that passed on the nearby road. We couldn't help but laugh at our silly little boy in what otherwise would have been a very serious moment. We took turns throwing the ashes in the creek and spread some on the sand that Chewy loved to roll in after he was soaking wet. We each took a private moment to say our final goodbyes and let out all the sadness and pain we had been feeling. Calvin quickly reminded us that we had other obligations as he started to make his way into the creek fully clothed. So, we headed home and both felt a lightness where there had been heaviness.
The past couple weeks has felt like we have been able to shed our dead weight that has been heavily weighing on our hearts and minds for two years. It feels like we are suddenly a new family with lighter hearts and minds. Calvin is a new kid, almost unrecognizable from just a few short weeks ago. We are different too. It is hard to put my finger on what it is exactly, but I think it is the invisible pain that had settled in to our bodies. Slowly building up week after week and eventually just living there, almost too much to bare at times and at other times tolerable at best. Now, I feel as though I am walking around bouncing on a cloud of happiness. The fog has lifted and I can see clearly in front of me. I actually feel happy and almost carefree...almost.
We closed a chapter today that has been left painfully open for two years. We will never completely understand Chewy being taken from us too early, before he got a chance to meet Calvin, but we said goodbye today in hopes of getting to the next chapter. We don't know what the next chapter will say, but we hope that today will get us closer to being open to consider possibly a new dog someday. We are dog people and know that we want a dog in our life. We have even made it to Dumb Friends League a few times in the last year. Here's hoping that the little thing of closing this chapter will lead us to an open heart to let another furry friend into our lives in the not so distant future.
For now, RIP Chewbacca...
We closed a chapter today that has been left painfully open for two years. We will never completely understand Chewy being taken from us too early, before he got a chance to meet Calvin, but we said goodbye today in hopes of getting to the next chapter. We don't know what the next chapter will say, but we hope that today will get us closer to being open to consider possibly a new dog someday. We are dog people and know that we want a dog in our life. We have even made it to Dumb Friends League a few times in the last year. Here's hoping that the little thing of closing this chapter will lead us to an open heart to let another furry friend into our lives in the not so distant future.
For now, RIP Chewbacca...
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