I am a lucky girl and have recently had multiple massages. I got a gift card to Massage Envy for my birthday and I was ecstatic to start reaping the benefits! When I showed up to my first massage, they told me that I would be able to get three for the amount of my gift card (I went in thinking I would only get two). They also told me that I had to use them by May...I think I can handle that!
I knew that my body would feel better after my massages, but I didn't realize that my mind would also be cleared and more focused. The first massage therapist I got was Isabel who was from Mexico. She had a cute little accent and was very chatty. I usually don't like that during a massage, but she had some interesting things to say. After I told her about my multiple miscarriages, she filled the room with many words of encouragement. I have had my share of these kind words from many people, but she had different things to say that I hadn't heard yet (or I had chose not to listen to). I needed to hear what she had to say. Even though I am not a super religious person (that is a whole different post), she said some things about God that stuck with me. She also had this to say, which really made me think and I have repeated her words over and over again in my head since that day...
"Don't be anxious, be grateful."
What simple words they were for her to give me, yet they have meant so much more to me than she will probably ever know. Every time that I have a worry enter my mind about us getting pregnant, I think of these words and it instantly calms me down. I have so many things to be grateful for and feeling anxious has started to become toxic. So, from now on when I feel myself getting anxious, I am going to say this quote to myself and bring on the gratefulness.
I signed up for my next massage and I already felt tightness in my shoulders after only a month since my last one. I decided I wanted to try someone different, so they set me up with a therapist named Laura. I filled her in on my history and what I was looking for and she got started right away.
I loved her instantly because she was from the Midwest and I was willing to look past that her home state was Iowa:) She focused mostly on my upper shoulders and neck area where I could definitely feel a lot of tension. Then, she said this...
"It feels like you have been carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders."
Again, a simple simile that explained how tight my shoulders were. But, she actually said what I have felt for a year. I have felt every worry and anxious feeling about us starting a family and it has all gone to my shoulders (literally and figuratively). It has sometimes felt like I have huge weights on my shoulders that will never go away. By saying these words, she allowed me to free those heavy weights and clear my head. She took away so much pain that I had been storing on myself unnecessarily. In that moment, I felt like I had a fresh start with only a light load on my shoulders and it gave me space to focus on what joys are in my life now.
She also said this...
"You know that it is not your fault."
I almost started crying. Of course, I know that the miscarriages were not my fault, but it can definitely feel that way. It is hard not to think back about what you ate, or what you drank, or how much exercise you did at the gym. It is amazing to me how those eight little words from a stranger put me at peace and made me feel like I could let some of my negative feelings go and stop worrying about it so much. My doctor, Andy, friends, family, co-workers...they have all said these exact same words, but somehow coming from a stranger they finally started to sink in.
The little thing from this experience is that words from a stranger are sometimes louder than those that come from those closest to you. They may even have more meaning because you actually listen to them. I thank the strangers at Massage Envy for giving me what I needed to hear at the right moment and for giving me the freedom to let myself move on from the place that I have been.
